This is yet another rant about my frustration with not being able to connect to God.

I know its my fault, i really do.

Last time i actually managed to go to service, was a real turning point.

We were said to come to the altar only if you really were able to and wanted to give our whole lives to God.

Two years ago, i would have RAN to that altar.

That night, i couldn’t even take more than two steps before i bawled my eyes out realised i couldn’t go any further.

That hit hard. Its been almost one year, and yet im still struggling, i have nothing stable.

And the last few weeks has been a real challenge. Nothing seems to have gone right for me.

and yet. God is not the one i turn to, i’m turning to all these filthy, temporal things of the world.

God didn’t make me to take on all those wordly things, no. I deserve so much better as a child of God.

Yet, why arn’t i turning to God? Why arn’t i spending enough if not any time with Him.

He loves me so, and yet i can’t comprehend that love.

Why.

e want