i was recently reading a topic on a forum that i usually go it. It was about people sharing their experience in regards to sexual molestation, rape, sexual abuse and stuff, it was kinda like ..if you need to let it out, let it out in this forum if u cant tell or havent told anybody else.

 And it was just sad reading all those many pages about people most of the time being super young being sexually abused/molestered/raped.

And ironically…I started remembering all these types of images from when i was younger. I remembered…being used to do sexual favours when i was very young(3 maybe? 4? 5?)..Like…I dunno. Its just..so strange.

 I remembered going over to my dad’s friends place i think..and i hung around 2 teenagers(i dont remember any other kids, the adults probably made them look after me)

and…I rememeber at one point i was in the toilet and a boy took me. and after i did my business, I remember the boy made me sit on his lap with my pants down. .

 and then i remember going back upstairs with that boy. into a room. and there was another girl. Oddly enough i remember their faces almost. And i remember the girl made me play mommy and baby. and i was the baby..and she made me…well….suck…oh my gosh..as if i was a baby…

 and then i remember..the boy made me his on his lap again..this time with my pants on and his pants down/off…and….

im not too sure after that..most of the stuff is a blurr.

 The thing is..i dunno if im tripping over this or not.

 Because i also remember dreaming about it again when i was younger….alot older than i was then..but still young enough not to know what had happened there was wrong.

Its really confusing me..because i also remember bringing a book home from that place..i think there was a party going on….and I remember i had the book for ages untill my parents threw it out when we moved up to qld.

gosh. I dont know what im feeling now.

 i mean..if it wasnt real..why would a kid be dreaming that kinda stuff? It doesnt make any sense.and how can i remmeber everything almost so perfectly and so vivid. and yet..i dont remember it untill now..

I really dont know anymore.

 and it just makes me think..how sad for young kids to go thru that stuff. Thats why they’re so vunerable..because they simply dont know that those things that are being done to them is wrong.

gosh. im so. … i dont know how im feeling atm.

What should i do?